Crazy People

One of the things I kind of like about retail is probably the same thing that most people hate: the crazy people. I see a lot of them. I think psychology or sociology students should be required to spend a couple months working in retail because they would really learn how insane people are.

The other day I got a phone call from one of our customers who orders a case of wine once a month or so. I’m pretty sure she lives in another world, or else has never actually stepped foot in this store because she’s under the impression that everything is computerized. She asked if I could “look up” what she bought last time. Um, no. If she had asked, I would have gladly written it down on an index card and kept it in the desk drawer, but it’s not like we’re all high-tech here. Our version of human resources software is a dry-erase board that lets us know when the lone part-time employee worked this week. Now, it wouldn’t be a big deal if this was the first time she asked, but by golly she asks every time. Every. Time.

There is also a customer who comes in regularly and purchases vodka and creme de cacao. Only he has to buy one of each, regardless of whether or not he needs both AND you have to scrape off the prices AND if he buys, say, two bottles of vodka and two bottles of creme de cacao, you can’t put the two vodkas together and one bag and the two creme de cacaos in the other. You have to bag them so they’d be ready to go to make drinks.

There’s another lady who asks for Chardonnay reccomendations, but always wants me to hurry up. Then I have to turn the bag inside-out before I put her bottle of wine in it. It’s just a black back with silver stripes! It’s not immediately identifyable as a liquor store bag and even if it is — who cares? She’s buying wine. It’s not like she’s sucking down cheap brandy out of a paper bag!

Then there are the people who come in asking for the most esoteric liqueurs and get extremely annoyed when they realize we don’t sell them. Hey – that’s what the big stores are for. Don’t come in here demanding your caffeine-infused pomegranate vodka. Because I don’t need your drama.

Crazy people. Indeed.


  1. Lisanne says:

    LOL! Too funny! It’s neat reading your wine shop stories! I hope that you’ll share more with us. So are you guys going to start writing down what that lady orders and keep it for next time? It would be pretty cool to have a database of what every customer likes and orders, but … would that be too weird? What is your most popular wine sold? Do you know? I remember feeling embarrassed once when I bought a bottle of bourbon at like 10 a.m. and assured the cashier that I was making bourbon balls. 😀

  2. flygrrl says:

    That is incredibly funny. I would LOVE to talk about my clients/customers on my blog, but since I work for someone else it’s not advisable. But yeah, retail is a hoot.

  3. Christina says:

    The lady that buys a case at a time and doesn’t remember what she bought last completely mystifies me. How does she not know? Ugh.

    Our little wine shop down the street does have a database to keep track of our purchases. When we buy wine, they scan our little key fob thingie (like the ones the grocery stores have for bonus savings) and can look up what we’ve bought recently. Quite impressive, but I forget half the time to get it scanned. Oh well.

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